Mickey and I had the most intense conversation yesterday we've ever had. He started writing me on Yahoo messenger yesterday afternoon, and it went off and on for about 5 hours. I'm really happy but confused and sad all at the same time. He was lamenting his situation---reduced income due to loss of driver's license, looking for a new and better job than making pizzas, and moving here clear across the country to be near me! Yes, he's seriously considered it, and is still seriously considering it. I'm blown away. We talked about how that would affect my marriage. He's pretty sure it would break us up and I can't disagree, although I have absolutely no intention of leaving my hubby. I'm pretty crazy about him and I'd never choose Mickey over him. I did have a brief moment there a few years ago where I fantasized about being with Mickey 24/7, but I'm so glad I got over it! AND I'm soooo lucky my hubby understands how I feel about him and puts up with me. I guess it's cuz he knows he's #1 with me and Mickey will always be #2, even if sometimes it seems like it's the other way around.
The most amazing part of our conversation was my realization that he wasn't trying to be an asshole all this time--well, no one sets out to TRY to be an asshole--what I mean is, he was saying how he's never been in "this kind of situation before"---meaning, a threesome, emotionally and physically----and he doesn't know how to handle it most of the time. I think that explains all the weird and cruel shit he's done to me. I'm someone else's wife for god's sake! And if he's been in love with me all this time, he feels like shit loving and fucking another guys' wife. He doesn't know how my hubby handles it--he doesn't get how it's ok with him that I do that, that I'm fucking Mickey and other boys. I feel so differently about everything now. I feel bad for Mickey and I'm angry at the same time for him not being able to talk to me about everything---but maybe he is growing up. He's talking to me now, and I'm so happy.
He also told me it used to bother him a lot that I slept with other guys! But now it doesn't, cuz he sees other girls so he has no right to stop me. Without coming right out and saying it, I think he was telling me he has deep feelings for me. He said, if he moved here, he'd probably eventually meet someone and what would he do with his feelings for me?? He said marriage and kids is in the plan someday, and if it did, I told him I'd have to be ok with it and let him go. I'm not stupid--I can't give him that and I want him to be happy. He said he wouldn't want me to let him go! That he'd still want me in his life and he wouldn't know how to handle that. I don't have an answer for that, because I feel the same way. He wanted answers---like if I could reassure him things would be fine between me and my hubby and all he would move here. I finally told him, let's smoke some weed and talk it out all three of us. He said sounds great--he'll call collect soon and we'll chat.
He's asked to work at this particular pizza store where they have free WIFI so he can write me more!! yay!!! So he ended with he'll talk to me tonight. So that's 2 days in a row!!!
My best GF is too busy to talk. I need some advice!! Should he move here or shouldn't he? Readers? What do you think?