Yesterday I was nonchalantly checking my yahoo messenger to see if I had any messages from overnight when I see E was online. Girls and boys, if you've been reading my blogs, you'll remember him from Dec. 9 under the title "Two Guys in One Afternoon". He was someone I'd met on a certain dating website and we had a GREAT time together. WELL-------we were chatting away yesterday morning. We had chatted once or twice since that fun day, and he'd told me his girlfriend had found his profile and some incriminating text messages, so he was on the "down low" for awhile. He said that he didn't know when he'd be able to see me again and I said whatever that's fine. I couldn't care less either way. I wasn't comfortable with the idea of him cheating on her but since they weren't married it seemed less egregious. Not my burden to bear but I did think it wasn't a great idea.
So yesterday morning we're chatting away, he's telling me he's not doing well, that his GF is "pissed" and what should he tell her? How can he make it better? I was giving him advice such as, "well, since you had a kid you should try to work it out with her", and "counseling is a good idea". He was asking me if I should "tell her the truth" and I said "what does she know?" and that sort of banter. WELL then I said, "you need to search your heart and find out what YOU want", to which I got this reply--"I'm his WIFE and that's exactly what I'm trying to figure out!" I was stunned. My head spun around and I said, "What??" to which she replied, "so I guess he didn't tell you he was married before he had a kid?" I went invisible and texted him immediately.
I told him, "you need to call me asap." He texted right back, "I'm in a meeting, what's up?" I told him his wife was posing as him on Yahoo messenger and that she was freaking out. I took pics of the conversation with my iPhone and sent them to him. He told me to just tell her the truth. I started texting my hubby so he could give me advice. He was concerned she'd come after me so told me to take a breath and think it through. E is texting me back, saying, "just do it. Just tell her and I'll clean up the mess." I told him, 'no, that's not my cross to bear. If I tell her, it'll make it worse for you. She'll never forget how she found out--"YOUR WHORE HAD TO TELL ME!!!", I could imagine. He was like, "shit shit shit shit shit." THEN------I guess he wasn't in a meeting---OR at work-----SHE gets on his phone and says, "This is his wife again. I just want to know the truth. Did you have sex with my husband?" I ignored her, my heart pounding. The texts kept coming rapid-fire, one after another. She was begging me to tell her. I kept ignoring her. She said, "woman to woman, wouldn't you want to know?" that sort of thing. I was just so upset for her. I felt so bad. I didn't know he was married! So I finally decided that since they have a kid together, I wouldn't tell her the truth. After all, I wasn't in love with the guy (she asked me if I was), it was just sex, just one time, and for all I know, his only transgression and obviously he loved her enough to be trying to make things right. He had told me he'd deleted his profile and hadn't talked to any women since she found the profile and messages. He was really trying to mend things.
So.......I told her, "no, I've never even met him. I can hardly remember him. I'm married too, we're swingers, and I talk to lots of guys." The questions kept coming. "Well how come then you said "the positions we did?" (I had asked him, does she know about me to the extent of the positions we did?) soI said I meant did he do them with other women. That i was just trying to help him mend his relationship with you. That I didn't know he was married." She seemed satisfied with my answers, thanked me, and told me the number would be deleted so if he wanted to contact me he would. I told her, "anytime, take care", and that was that.
Ok so lesson learned. If a guy has a GF it might be a WIFE, and if she doesn't know he's with me, he shouldn't be with me. My husband KNOWS I'm with him. It's only right. Swingers don't cheat on their spouses, and we don't like knowing the person we're with is cheating on someone. No matter how "hot" they are, it's just not right.
It's hard to spot a liar, especially when it comes to getting someone to have sex with you. People have been lying for centuries. Lesson learned here---ask more questions first. The truth will probably spill out.
Poor girl. He's a hottie, but it probably won't be his last affair. I hope I did the right thing.