It's snowing like a mutherfucker here right now and I'm coming down with some sort of flu or cold, I'm not sure, but I'm glad I've got time to write today. Lots to catch up on! Ok, Mickey update first---I'm so happy he's got a phone cuz he's texting me all the time now! He opened up to me a little a couple days ago---it was really amazing to finally get in his head a little. He was in rare form. He actually said, "I miss you"!!!!
He apologized profusely for "freaking out over the Tweet thing", saying that "she" (he never referred to her as his girlfriend) found one of our chats and was asking questions about us. He said they aren't serious, rather she owes him a lot of money and he's only sticking around till she pays him back! He was upset that if she found out about "us" (HIS term!! There's an 'us'? yay!) he would be "screwed". So, it wasn't that he was worried about hurting her! I am shocked. And relieved. He said he's not making much money now so he really needs her to pay him back.
He talked about the porn site--I think he is desperate. He said it's either that or sell weed, and he doesn't want to do that either, and that he's scared to actually do anything yet and hasn't. I told him I was upset about it, I didn't like that his face would be seen and he might regret it.
He also apologized for missing my birthday and said "happy late b-day". I texted him a pic of me I'd just taken a few days ago, all dressed up to go out, and he said, "I like your hair". That's the closest I've gotten to a compliment from him. (I'll take it). He thanked me for the Christmas card and pics I sent him and said, "I loved them". WOW he has never said the word LOVE in any form, so that was neat. He said he wished he could've visited me yay! So of course I told him that we'll fly him out anytime. The guest room has a brand-new bed in it and it's ready for him! And lastly, he said that "moving there is starting to sound good right now", and that he wants to find a good job. So of course I'm checking out what's here and sending him info. My hubby was pleased to hear all this and we'll see what he does. I love hearing from him, and he seems to need me right now, and I love it.
I found a book in a bookstore called, "The Threesome Handbook", and my hubby and I are reading it together. He says I could've written it LOL and I guess he's right. We have learned a few things and we are talking more than we were. Communication is the most important thing if you're going to have this lifestyle, and with our crazy schedules, we don't always communicate as well as we should. He really wants to include a woman and I just don't know how I feel about that. I haven't been really ok with it so far, I don't really know what I'm turned off to the idea, but it is something my hubby would like so I told him I will really think about it and let him know. Am I threatened by another woman, do I worry she'll steal him away? Yeah, I'm sure that's a huge part of it. I really don't get how he can let me be with other men and be okay with it. He gets more turned on than jealous, and I guess he must feel pretty secure about me, so that's awesome. Most of the time I try not to think about our lifestyle, because we've always said that if we think about it too much, we feel too shameful and guilty and weird and we'd probably stop doing it, but don't want to. Reading this book has helped with those feelings---the author is so frank about it being simply, an alternative lifestyle, calling it "modern". (so much better than "swinging". I really hate that term). A monogamous marriage is simply called "a closed relationship", and is neither better nor worse than a "modern" marriage (ours). A choice, not morally corrupt.
I know a couple who have been married 11 years, two kids, and they have a closed marriage. My hubby swears he's probably cheated on her several times, and if he were to even think she thought another guy was hot he'd have a shit-fit. So, I look at their marriage, and think to myself, hey, we treat each other better. We'd never cheat on each other--why would we?? If my hubby finds a woman attractive, he tells me. Vice versa. No big deal. Why can't more people be honest with each other? If there were more marriages like ours, I really feel there would be fewer divorces.
We are actually discussing telling our kids. It's more worrisome to think that with the stuff they might overhear, or see (as in me getting Mickey's texts all the time) that they might think I'm cheating on their daddy. I told my hubby not for now--if Mickey comes to live with us yes, but not right now. We aren't seeing anyone (unfortunately!!!) so why say anything now?
I had to laugh when I was reading in the 'Handbook" how we are probably misreading the flirtations of possible sex partners! It was saying how there are some interests people have that are generally thought of as open-minded (such as artists and musicians). So, I was thinking about this yesterday at the grocery store! I was getting a pound of bacon from the deli counter, and the guy helping me was really cute except for a shaggy beard. I could see a sleeve of tattoos peeking out from his white butcher's coat, and thought of the book. He was really friendly, even introduced himself by name (I'll call him Tony) and put out his hand to greet me! He said he's the new deli manager and we stood and talked for about 15 minutes. He's married, and he seemed very happy with his life. We talked about the snow and the impending storm and he was telling me how he snowplows his neighbors' drives for them. I never would've thought he might be flirting with me or be in a "modern" marriage had I not read that in the book. I vowed to myself upon saying our goodbyes that I would keep an open mind myself and see if there's an opportunity with him and his wife there! (maybe invite them over sometime? Give him my cell number next week when I go shopping??)
Opportunities abound! We just have to be willing to see them.
Now to help find Mickey a job here!