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Friday, March 4, 2011

This is for you, my dear readers....I owe you this.....

You're right---this blog has deteriorated to being more "the Mickey Journal" than anything else. But you have to understand--this man has a stranglehold on my heart and soul. He's not just someone I fuck. I am in love with this asshole, who for some reason, I just can't let go of. I've known him 6 years, and we have such a tumultuous relationship. It's hot and cold, just like the Katy Perry song. When it's hot, I'm happy, when he's cold, I'm miserable. I never know from one day to the next with him--he'll ignore me for days or weeks on end (and months sometimes) and I think I'll never hear from him again and my heart just freezes up and I'm a complete mess. Then, I'll hear from him, as if no time had passed, and I come to life again. It's insane. I know it is.

Remember my dear friends, that I am a married woman, and Mickey is the third person in our relationship. It's not simply a man and a woman who have an on-again/off-again relationship. My feelings for Mickey affect my marriage and my sanity and all my relationships. He's always on my mind, 24/7, even though obviously I'm not on his. I don't know what he means to me exactly, but all I know is, I can't imagine not having him in my life. My children met him, they ask about him, and I have to lie.

He means more to me than I wish he did, and no matter how many sexy men I meet, he's really the only one I'd rather be with. My hubby and I have a very close, intimate relationship and Mickey fits right in. We'd like more from him, but he's unwilling to give us more. It's incredibly painful and heartbreaking, and I guess I'm an eternal optimist because I keep hitting my head against the wall, hoping and praying he'll not only stay in our lives but move here and really be with me, with us. He goes back and forth, teasing me, and I hang onto those crumbs he gives me like a lifeline. I know it's pathetic, but I know I'm not the only person who's ever pined endlessly for someone the way I do for Mickey.

I know you want to hear more sex stories, but if you follow me, you'll see that since we moved to another state, not much has happened. (not that I'm not trying!!) If you go to my archives, you'll see lots of steamy stories. And yes, they are ALL TRUE.

I look forward to sharing more intimate stories with you as they unfold. In the meantime, a reader has requested I write about a girl-on-girl story I had, so I'm working on that and I'll post it soon.

I love you my readers, please keep the feedback coming. You help me sort things out.


PDXsubcuck said... time permits I am going to go back and read more of your blog. As a person that has had some friction in their marriage due to a wife feeling that she owed greater allegiance to a lover rather than her family...I have deep concerns for you. It would be interesting to see just how your husband feels. Part of my concern is that Mickey seems willing to let you hang at times for some time. I cannot help but feel that if Mickey really loved you he would be working more for your happiness. Of course one can not always be sure of the motives another person has...pretending kindness to later turn on you, playing games that they know will attract someone else?

Please be careful!

NaughtyAnna said...

Thank you so much for your comment. I learn so much from my readers. I'm lucky that my husband does know how i feel about Mickey. We talk about him (and everyone else!) all the time. And I totally agree with you--if he (Mickey) cared about me more he'd try harder.

I think he's really conflicted--I wonder sometimes if he really wishes I were single. He has said he would never want to split my hubby and me up, so I think when his feelings get too strong, he reacts by ignoring me.

If I felt better about myself, I'm sure I wouldn't put up with it. I constantly struggle to understand myself and the whole situation.

Thank you again!
Anna XO