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Tuesday, May 3, 2011

The tables are turned.....and I'm kinda freaking out

My hubby's got his first opportunity to be alone with another girl tomorrow night. Being that he's fine with me being alone with guys makes me feel like I have no right getting upset at him doing the same thing--but I am kinda freaking out. I'm trying not to.

I clearly remember our conversation the very first time he encouraged me to spend the night alone with Mickey. I told him, "you know, I don't think I'd be okay if you did this. I honestly don't know how it is you're not only ok with this, but encouraging it." He assured me he was fine; it turned him on. Since that time, there hasn't been another woman he's wanted to be alone with, and he's actually not even admitting to me he wants to be alone with her.

To back up, we had a 3sum with her a few weekends ago. I know the two of them are attracted to one another, and I've kind of felt like, would you two just leave me out of it? Have your fun. I don't really want to watch or be involved. I was involved, and yes, it was hot, but my hubby didn't even take his underwear off. We were all drunk and had an early flight so he was just like, this is fun, let's stop here and not take a chance on ruining the friendship. I misunderstood and thought he was more into her than he was letting on, so he played it cool. He said no, too drunk, just fooling around was fun enough.

Well, he's in her state for work, and has a free night, and she wants to drive 4 hours to see him.

Hmmm.

Yeah.

So he's in a tough spot now---he's gotta decide what to do.

I told him I'm a little unnerved she's willing to drive 4 hours to be with him.  Makes me uncomfortable.

But if it weren't so far, would I feel any differently?

Probably not.

I feel like I hold myself to a different standard. I can sleep with other guys but he can't sleep with other women? That's not fair. I know it's not.

I'm trying to act like I'm fine with it but I'm really not. It's obvious I feel threatened. I wish I didn't. I want him to feel the joy and excitement with a new partner, but I don't!! I feel like such a selfish bitch!!

I guess that's the hard part about swinging and an open marriage. It's giving permission to your spouse to have an affair. The difference is there's no lying, no cheating, no secrets. No sneaking around, cuz you're telling each other everything.  But that doesn't mean it's easy, or you don't care, or you don't get jealous.

Poor guy. I'm giving him mixed signals cuz I don't want to be the bitch that says no. Or, the bitch that can't forgive him afterward.

4 comments:

Lexicon Of A Polyamorous Couple said...

Anna,

How timely your post is on the "turn about fair play" issue of the Hotwife being uncomfortable with her husband's opportunity to play. We just came off a weekend where mixed signals and hidden insecurities highlighted just where we are on the spectrum of an open marriage, and how we are still learning what we can accept, and what we still need time to accept.

Alex

NaughtyAnna said...

Thank you so much for your comment Alex. I want to hear more about your weekend and how you guys handled it. Read today's post for how it all ended. I welcome your comments and thank you for reading!

Anna xo

Polyamorous Couple said...

Anna,

When I first started to look into the lifestyle for Angie and me I did a lot of research and found a common thread as it relates to the "acceptability" of a two-way open marriage.

Yes, many women do go along with the arrangement because they want to please their husband's desire to explore the dynamic, but often do not feel the reciprocal in letting their husbands play with another woman. This is a general statment, for sure, but I believe it holds true that women have a stronger sense of the propriety of a marriage than men. Some will argue that I am off-base on this, and I am happy to ackowledge my ignorance, but a perusal through the plethora of blogs and forums will show that the vast majority of Hotwife/Cuckold couples, and full-on swinger couples, are started by the husband, and the wives went along to please their husbands.

There is some anecdotal information that suggests that the wives will always have greater access to playmates than their husbands over time, but it does not lessen the "fact" women tend to be more possesive of their spouse and marriage than the husband.

Your reaction is entirely in keeping with Angie's after a recent meet and greet we went to. I hope your hubby has not suffered the pain I did. Good luck, and keep writing. We enjoy your blog very much.

NaughtyAnna said...

Thank you so much for your insight. We are really struggling right now. It helps to read other's struggles too and how other couples have dealt with these issues. I just know we're not alone in this---thank you for reminding me how much we can help one another in our journey. I appreciate your taking the time to write. Best to you and Angie always.