My hubby's got his first opportunity to be alone with another girl tomorrow night. Being that he's fine with me being alone with guys makes me feel like I have no right getting upset at him doing the same thing--but I am kinda freaking out. I'm trying not to.
I clearly remember our conversation the very first time he encouraged me to spend the night alone with Mickey. I told him, "you know, I don't think I'd be okay if you did this. I honestly don't know how it is you're not only ok with this, but encouraging it." He assured me he was fine; it turned him on. Since that time, there hasn't been another woman he's wanted to be alone with, and he's actually not even admitting to me he wants to be alone with her.
To back up, we had a 3sum with her a few weekends ago. I know the two of them are attracted to one another, and I've kind of felt like, would you two just leave me out of it? Have your fun. I don't really want to watch or be involved. I was involved, and yes, it was hot, but my hubby didn't even take his underwear off. We were all drunk and had an early flight so he was just like, this is fun, let's stop here and not take a chance on ruining the friendship. I misunderstood and thought he was more into her than he was letting on, so he played it cool. He said no, too drunk, just fooling around was fun enough.
Well, he's in her state for work, and has a free night, and she wants to drive 4 hours to see him.
So he's in a tough spot now---he's gotta decide what to do.
I told him I'm a little unnerved she's willing to drive 4 hours to be with him. Makes me uncomfortable.
But if it weren't so far, would I feel any differently?
I feel like I hold myself to a different standard. I can sleep with other guys but he can't sleep with other women? That's not fair. I know it's not.
I'm trying to act like I'm fine with it but I'm really not. It's obvious I feel threatened. I wish I didn't. I want him to feel the joy and excitement with a new partner, but I don't!! I feel like such a selfish bitch!!
I guess that's the hard part about swinging and an open marriage. It's giving permission to your spouse to have an affair. The difference is there's no lying, no cheating, no secrets. No sneaking around, cuz you're telling each other everything. But that doesn't mean it's easy, or you don't care, or you don't get jealous.
Poor guy. I'm giving him mixed signals cuz I don't want to be the bitch that says no. Or, the bitch that can't forgive him afterward.