Well Mickey has officially broke it off with me. He sent me a middle-of-the-night text, "please don't send me any messages." This was in response to a heart emoticon I sent him, accidentally by the way, I had been texting my daughter hearts. I had been asleep, who knows how I sent it accidentally but anyway, yeah, that was the response I got. I hadn't heard from him since April, and I had sent him a few texts here and there and hadn't gotten any response. I was shocked. I was completely unprepared for that. To which I wrote back, "Why don't you want to talk to me?" followed by four more texts (I was ignoring the, "please don't send me any messages" text obviously. "What happened?" "Please explain", "Did I do something to offend you?" Then, "Hmmmm, ok....8 years and no explanation". I fell asleep then and never heard another peep out of him.
Then I took my phone with me to go to the bathroom in the morning and checked my email (out of boredom, that's what i do on the toilet LOL) and he had sent me an email from his new email address.
"Sorry....please I can't mess things up with my GF I'm trying to get everything in line in my life. When you message me like you just did she sees everything". OH OK THAT'S ALL YOU HAD TO SAY. I'M BACK WITH MY GF. I WOULD'VE RESPECTED THAT ASSHOLE!
I responded; "Aw thank you for explaining! I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I wish you all the best and please know that I am always here for you." I intentionally left out, "all my love" or "love always, Anna" and all that since I knew the GF was going to see it. I thought, OK, it's over, for now, and good for him. I want him to be happy. I wasn't even upset. I knew it would end this way eventually. I haven't seen him in 2 years, two years today he came to see us before we moved here clear across the country. I knew moving here would end things as it would just be too hard with the distance. But like I said, I was ok.
BUT WAIT!! THERE'S MORE!!!
After I responded, I went back to read the rest of my new email messages, and there was another by him he'd written at 6:05 am that I hadn't seen. This one I could've done without. He had made his point in the other email; my BFF thinks she put him up to it but I don't think so. This one hurt.
"Please don't contact me anymore, this whole thing has ruined my life and I can't do this anymore. Ive been hurt so much and I can't take anymore".
That was it. Did I need to hear that I ruined his life????? Jesus H Christ!!!
I don't know what happened between them. I don't know if she read this blog. I don't know if she found out that her beloved likes guys too. I don't know how much she found out about me, all I know is I have left her alone and would never hurt her OR him. I think she's adorable and good for him; why on earth would I hurt her??? He has told me he was always single when we were involved, which may or may not be the truth. All he had to do is issue a pre-emptive strike and things might've gone differently for him. If he'd called me, or texted me, or sent me an email, "Hey sweetie, things are getting serious with my GF. I really want to give this relationship a chance. I know you love me and want me to be happy, as happy as you are with your hubby. Let's cool it and let me be the first to contact you if things don't work out. You have meant the world to me, and I love you and wish you guys all the best."That's all he had to say.
My hubby, who knows all about lying and avoiding conflict, said he didn't do that because he "didn't want to hurt my feelings". WTF???? HOW WOULD THAT HAVE HURT MY FEELINGS??? This is so much worse!!! Instead of telling me something helpful and loving, now he's accusing me of ruining his life because HE didn't handle his personal life truthfully!!! That hurts. He has brought me lots of pain as well, and I never told him nor made him feel bad about himself for it. I refuse to accept that I ruined his life. My hubby says that he isn't angry at me, he's angry at himself. I believe that.
I also believe she has the right to know who he really is before she commits to him. If they stay together now, they will have an honest relationship. She is only 21 years old for God's sake, too young to commit herself to any guy let alone someone who is so messed up. She seems like she's an extremely intelligent, beautiful and honest girl and deserves to be treated better. If she wants him, and let's be honest, he is worth it, I truly believe that, after all I've been in love with the guy for 8 years now, she deserves to know him the way I know him. She may know his favorite color, his favorite food and how he leaves the seat up (if he does), but I know how kinky he really is and how he told me she won't do the things sexually he wants to do. Maybe now she either will, or she won't, and he can live a "vanilla" lifestyle and put up with it to have her and be secretly miserable (which will lead him to cheat on her, as he has done) or she'll accept that part of him and participate. Either way, this pain will cause them both to grow and be closer.
I refuse to accept that I've "ruined his life". His deception, his conflict-avoidance, and his game-playing to keep us both has ruined his life. There was a time not too long ago he was prepared to move here and be with us; he said only if I'd give him my car and I wasn't willing to do that. My hubby gave me that car to cheer me up when Mickey left California for Oregon and and broke my heart. He knows that story, and that was my one thing I refused to acquiesce on. I told him, "You can drive it all you want if you come live with me, but I can't give it to you. You understand right? I can't do that to my hubby." He understood. He thought seriously about moving here. He would've been very happy here.
We can't go back, we can only move forward. I am not sorry for having him in my life, if anything, he changed me and my life forever and I don't regret a thing. I miss him and I will miss him but something tells me he'll be back.
If not, I'm still okay. I will always love Mickey and not a day goes by that I don't think of him.
I wish him well.