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Thursday, February 26, 2015

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For whatever reason, Mr. S has not responded to the one and only text I sent him on Monday, a simple, "Hi Handsome". So....guess he didn't enjoy me as much as I enjoyed him. Or whatever. So unfortunately, the search for my F replacement begins anew. I'm always juggling half a dozen new hotties, waiting to find "the one" who will be my new FWB. I hate one-night stands (or lately, Wednesday stands LOL) and the last 3 turned out to be exactly that. There are three that I've kept on the back burner, stringing them along cuz I'm only "eh" on them. I don't know how to let anyone know I'm not interested after getting their hopes up so I ghost back myself, or tell them, "hey, just busy" and honestly, for the most part, I've learned these guys chicken out most of the time anyways. They just want to jerk off to pics of me and as flattering as that is, there's plenty of porn out there. You don't need me for that. 

So....back to the land of the plenty hehehehe I looked at all my new messages on my OK Cupid and lo and behold was a hottie I thought could fill the bill. I'll call him Denny. Mmmmm. AND bonus points for him, he lived nearby! (If you think that's odd, let me tell you--most of my messages seem to come from half-way around the world. I'm popular with the Turkish men for some reason.....). I responded to his compliments and told him he was quite a hottie as well. It took off from there, and by yesterday, literally only a half a day of correspondence, I was ready to fuck him. Mmmm. We had exchanged phone numbers and the naughty pics were flying back and forth.

So....Wednesday being my free day, he said he worked at 11:30 am, could he come before work? I said I have boxing, sorry. I can't keep missing it for sex. I know, I know, I can hear you all making fun of me. This was Tuesday evening. Then he said that he would try to get his schedule changed so he could come over at 11:00 am, which I said would be perfect. Or that I was free Friday, no boxing Friday so he could come over as early as 8:00 am!! He said no, Friday wouldn't work.

Well, 8:30 am yesterday, he sends me a text, "Sorry, can't get off work today." I wrote back, "that's fine, I understand! Let's aim for next week!" So I go along my merry way, and go to the gym for boxing. Then I get asked to sub a tennis drill, which goes till 11:30. My cell phone is in my locker from 9-11:30. When I get to it, he's written like 15 texts and had called me 4 times. 

It appears he WAS able to switch his schedule after all.

And he was desperately trying to get ahold of me.

I got to my car, and as it warmed up (it was like 12 degrees yesterday) I read them all. He hadn't left any voicemails, but I knew he wanted to still get together. At this point, I'd been at the gym for 2-1/2 hours. It was creeping close to 11:40 and I knew he needed to be at work now by 1:00. As I sat there contemplating things, he kept calling. I didn't answer. I knew I needed a shower, which included washing my hair (I wash it every other day), and I was starving, so it wasn't the ideal situation. Yes, he was hot.

I texted him an apology, saying I'd had my phone in my locker and just now seeing the messages. He said simply, "what's your address?" I said, "It's not going to work today. I need a shower, I need food". He said again, "what's your address?" He wasn't taking no for an answer. Then he said sweetly, "(my name), you don't need to be all showered up for me. I'm sure you're hot the way you look right now." And maybe to him I DID, but I didn't feel hot like this. I said, "This will be your first impression of me. I want to look and smell good for you. This isn't how I want it to be." Because ladies and gentleman, the truth is, I've met guys and looked my best, and had the best sex of my life, and they STILL ghost me afterwards. My self-esteem can't allow some new 19 year old hottie into my bed the way I looked. 

I guess he didn't agree. 

I was starting to actually feel bullied. 

He actually said this, and I'm quoting him verbatim, "I rearranged my schedule for you. Something's gotta happen."


I said, "Not today."

Then he said, and again I quote, "well then lose my #...what the fuck".

I never responded.

I was literally shaking reading all this. He thought I owed him because he changed his work schedule at the last minute??

If anything my husband's infidelities have taught me, it's that sometimes, all I have to go on is my gut. That physical sensation that tells me if I'm safe or not safe, if something is or isn't right, when there's a lack of actual proof.

I'm SO glad I listened to it yesterday. He didn't care at all what I wanted or how I felt. How abusive a lover he might've been if my feelings didn't matter one iota???? 

I'm someone's mother. I have value beyond being someone's sex slave. And I didn't even know this guy. I have been very lucky that I've met only sweet, caring and thoughtful guys in the 12 years I've been doing this. This could've gone very badly.

That's the bullet I dodged yesterday.

Oh, and F deleted his Facebook . 

But maybe he just blocked me, not sure. Cuz if I go into Messenger, it says he's "Online and will receive your messages instantly." 

So wtf????

Has he blocked me? I asked my BFF to go on her FB and search for him and see if she can see his page. She hasn't gotten back to me. But damn I got it bad for that boy. 

Have a great day all you sexy people out there!!!!!

Anna XO

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