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Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Ghosting--the new "fuck you"

It's only Wednesday and I have SOOOOOO much to tell you!! WHERE DO I BEGIN???

I think I'll start by saying around 1 am a few nights ago, New Guy messaged me, simply, "Yo". I laughed so loud. I was in bed reading on my iPad as usual, staying up way too late. I couldn't believe his nerve. A few minutes later I responded with the snarky, "Yo yo!" He didn't respond and I fell asleep soon after. What an ass.

In the morning he wrote me, "what are you up to" (again no punctuation). I responded simply, " Driving now." Bc I was and also bc I didn't want to initiate conversation. Let HIM do the work. I was waiting for the apology.

He didn't write again. BUT he DID comment on a Facebook post I'd made about something about the Grammy Awards show I was watching. Something snarky, of course. I just kept my response to myself and "liked" his comment, which meant, I see you but I 'm not giving you the honor of my response.

And then once again, 1:00 a.m. messages. At least this time it wasn't, "Yo". So I decided to respond and see if I could get some answers. He dove right in by saying he'd been "real depressed last week. Sorry just been AWOL." Like that was going to smooth everything over and make it okay. BUT I'm not a jerk and I did have some compassion bc I realized right then and there that it had nothing to do with me.

That's really all I needed to know.

I said, 'What's going on?" He answered, "nothing, I just suffer from depression. Sometimes it get bad. I'm medicated for it." I said I was sorry to hear. I said, "Can I ask u something?" He said, "yes". I said, "Why did you ghost me?" He said, "I just told u." I was not satisfied. I went on. "I invited myself over to see u. You never responded. Help me understand. I really really liked you."


His response? The same. "I told you."

I went on to say how I liked how he had always said how "blunt" he was and "tells it like it is" so I assumed he must've met someone else. And "I even wrote a few days after that. I said I missed your phone calls. Have you missed me too?"

He said, "Like I said, I am medicatd. I have bouts of really highs and really lows. I'm saying I'm sorry. Nothing left to say." I said, "I"m glad to hear that" and "I've missed you."

Then the convo turned sexual. I wasn't interested. I deflected. Told him about a couple good porn sites he should check out instead.

I complimented him on his singing voice. Remember he's in a band too and their lead singer, and he's sent me his songs and he's a crooner. Fucking velvety voice, so beautiful, it's higher than mine. He said, "no one's ever told me that." I said, "I wrote you I was listening to your music and getting turned on by your voice. You never responded. I felt so stupid." He felt bad apparently, saying, "Don't. U R awesome. It's my own shit." DAMN STRAIGHT IT IS.

"How do I not take it personally if you choose to ignore me again?" I challenged him.

"Cause I told you why. I close down and shut people out."

I said, "That's sad babe. I'm sorry to hear and it hurts." And then I added sympathetically, "I"m sure you hurt worse tho." He said, "Trust me, I don't enjoy it.".

So that was that. We chatted a bit after and it ended sweetly, and I've heard from him a couple times since. We wished each other a happy Valentine's day and I "hearted" his new FB profile pic. I'll give him all the compliments I think he deserves, but that boy ain't getting in my pants anytime soon. I'll be his friend and that's all. I don't do mental illness anymore. I have let broken people pull me down so many times, I give and give and give and try to save them from themselves and all it ever does is break ME instead.

I can't do it. If I fuck him he will get in my heart and he doesn't deserve a place there. I don't need him for sex. He needs me--he wants me, he can't do better than me but he doesn't deserve me.

It feels SO GOOD to have gotten answers.

People, I know it the "latest thing" to ghost people but for God's sake stop doing it. All it does is cause so much anxiety and despair to the person you're ghosting. If you've barely talked to them it's an acceptable way to let them know you're not interested but if you've dated them, you owe them an explanation. Tell them. There are gentle words out there to communicate you're no longer interested in dating them without breaking their spirit. We are grown-ups.

Start fucking acting like one.

And have a nice day.

Follow-up post will be very exciting. Stay tuned.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you deserve to be ghosted, you sound pretty needy and not that mature for a cougar hotwife.