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Monday, August 30, 2010

Cat and Mouse

That's what my girlfriend tells me Mickey does--he plays cat and mouse games. Chase me, I'll run away, catch me, i'll slip out of your paws (or mouth) and run away again. He's the mouse, I'm the cat. It makes me fucking crazy.


Since I last posted, I decided I needed to back off and try to get some space from him. I'm in way too deep. I alternated between leaving myself online and available in case he wanted to write me and signing out to leave him wondering what I was up to. I decided to play "mouse" and let him be the cat for a few days. While I was in Mickey withdrawal, we had fun as a family.....we went to the movies, went to a major league ball game, we went to a great Mexican restaurant, and shopped till we dropped. We got a lot of unpacking done, hung pictures, and the house is looking amazing. 


I also got a text from Jimmy, our first lover from our first threesome. He's a hot 23 year old who is just what I needed while I was in Mickey detox! OMG we texted off and on (mostly on) for about 5 hours. He was just what I needed! He was a great distraction. He is straightforward-- tells me how he feels all the time. I personally hate games, I hate how I second-guess myself all the time with Mickey. He makes me crazy. With Jimmy I can just be myself, it is really stress-free. We have gotten closer ironically since we moved here. I love talking to him! We talk about Mickey and he's helped me see things. I do really like him----I'd love to have another threesome with him and Hubby. He fuels my self-esteem with compliments, and I am just an endless sieve when it comes to that. I never ever get enough.


I was thrilled to see Mickey had written me overnight! He simply said for me to message him when I can, that he'd be home for the day. I wrote him hello, he wrote back hi, and I realized it's 2 hours earlier where he is and asked him what he was doing up at 5:15 am? haven't heard back so he probably fell asleep.


I think today's going to be a great day!



Friday, August 27, 2010

Thank God for Yahoo Messenger!

Mickey has been instant messenging (IM'ing) me on yahoo messenger just about every single day! yay!! I'm soo happy!! Since he dropped his phone in water, he hasn't been able to afford another phone, so he's on his computer and I've been on my iphone and that's how we've kept in touch. I love love love hearing from him! I check my phone all the time--to see if he's written me--and it runs the battery down so I'm having to keep it plugged in 24/7 LOL

He said, "I bet if you could, you'd lock me in your closet and keep me all to yourself". Does that boy know me or what??!! ha ha I told him absolutely I would! I was telling him I wanted to help him buy a new phone--not for entirely selfless reasons LOL cuz I miss hearing his voice and I prefer texting. i don't get a chime when he writes an IM and my phone goes dead checking it all day long. He said, "you want to be my sugar mama?" and I said, "yes I do!"

He also said he's glad to be able to talk to me on the IM. Yay! That made me happy! We talked about him coming here to visit and we said how there are things we didn't get to do together we still want to do ;) oh yeah! I told him he "still owes me" and he said, "i know, i know". I am not done with that boy!!

My problem is I think I come on too strong. I can't help myself. I've always been like this. When i like someone, I'm on 100%. I wrote him an email yesterday, telling him about the move and all, didn't get sexual except at the end, told him I'd be his sugar mama "as long as you still love me back." WTF? see how I am? And I ALSO sent him 2 pics of me in my bikini--one at home and one on the beach. I haven't heard from him since!!! And I talked to Hubby last night--he said he'd love for me to be Mickey's sugar mama! So... today I was planning on putting some money in his bank account. I still have the info from helping him out with his traffic ticket.

So... I don't know. I love the idea of helping him. I did tell him in an IM that I wanted to help him out financially but didn't want it to ruin our relationship. Did he ever respond?? NO so I don't know how he feels about it. I think I'll just put the money in today and tell him it's for a new phone. I'm sure he'll be thankful.

I'll keep y'all posted.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Withdrawal

My life has been one crazy hot mess since Mickey left. We sold our California house and bought a new house over 1000 miles away. I can't say where---only to say I miss my friends and gym and familiar things and people. Moving is SO hard....

My thoughts turn to Mickey, as usual. I have only heard from him once since he left--an email telling me he is "phoneless" because he dropped it in water. That was a week ago. I see him online 24/7 and i've written him hello but no response. I sent him 2 silly pics of the grocery store tonight. I hope I made him laugh.(remember he used to be a box boy? I thought he'd get a kick out of the store here---it's aooo ritzy).

I am in Mickey withdrawal.

I loved being with him....Looking in his eyes while I was on top of him, his hands grabbing my ass as he fucked me so hard I was so sore. I think about our talks and how comfortable I started to feel around him. Ok yeah so I'm hung up on him. Totally.

So I did something brave and at this point was probably stupid--I sent him a link to this blog. I've given it to him before--I think he likes reading about himself...maybe not? Maybe I freaked him out a little? I hope not...I'm just someone who expresses myself better with the written word. ---sigh--he's such a mystery. Just as I thought I was beginning to "get" him he's back to playing cat and mouse. It just makes me crazy.

So much is going on with me---and I just want to share it all with him. I want to hear him laugh at the craziness and tease me for my insanity. I felt so close to him by the last day of his visit. I liked being open with him and telling him whatever popped in my bead. I miss him!
Fuck if I know what he's thinking. I'm trying to resist contacting him....it's much sweeter to wait to hear from him.

We are in the midst of unpacking...but the guest room looks great already! My hubby calls it "Mickey's Room." yay!! I hope he'll come visit like he said be would!! Hubby said we'd get a new bed for him--since he complained it wasn't comfortable enough!!!

That would be so fucking awesome if he does come visit! I'm
thinking of putting money in his bank account every so often. I'd do anything for him. I'm lucky that my hubby knows how I feel about him and wants to make me happy.

As long as I have Mickey in my life, I AM happy.

Monday, August 9, 2010

My favorites

I want to write all about my week with Mickey, but I'm so busy, I don't have time to write it all down. I know I'm going to forget details, and believe me, I don't want to forget a thing. So, for now, just for me, I'm going to write my favorites list of stuff we did together. It'll help me remember for writing later when I get time.

Here they are in no particular order--Mickey, if you're reading this, this is to you.....

Seeing you walking through my house stark naked, without a care in the world.
Watching you sleep, in my bed, on my pillow, covered by my blankets.
Listening to you breathe while you slept; drinking up your beauty and manliness.
Realizing how slim your shoulders really are, and how small a waist you have.
Going down to the river and seeing you playing with my dog. Precious.
Really making eye contact with each other.
Being blindfolded by my hubby and peeking out the bottom to see my hubby giving you a BJ.
Going into the guest room and having you all to myself. One on one. Delicious.
Cooking breakfast for you, and actually eating together side by side at my kitchen table.
Giving each other goo-goo eyes as we ate.
Washing a load of your clothes--and folding them. It felt loving to do your laundry, and I folded them in front of you. I think you liked being taken care of that way.
Being able to tell you sometimes you're an asshole.
Looking into each other's eyes as you entered me.
Letting you borrow my car, and then you loved it so much you begged me to sell it to you!
Kissing those sexy full lips--with the two lip rings that drive me wild.
Telling you I loved you to your face. Even if you didn't say it back, it was still freeing.
Not insisting on condoms cuz i'd love to have your baby. Hubby agrees.
The way you wrapped your arms and legs around me and just held me tight.
Telling you how I feel about you.
You were rough and gentle, and a gentleman.
Sharing my story about my brother to you.
Getting close--getting to see you for who you really are--not my idealized version of you.
Skinny dipping--you were the first one naked!!!
The way you make me feel. Young and sexy and wild.
The way you make me appreciate my husband.
The way the bed squeaked when you fucked me hard. And how it made us giggle.
Covering you up with another blanket while you were sleeping--cuz I knew you were cold.
Sneaking in to sleep with you....and pressing my body against yours. And just sleeping together. No sex.
Having you grope me in the middle of the night. And not remember it the next day.
Watching you constantly, not able to take my eyes off of you.
Realizing how my heart beats faster when i'm even in the same room as you.
Stealing kisses when my kids walked out of the room.
Have my kids know you and see you talk to them.
Gazing sadly at the hairs left on your pillow after you'd left. Reminders you were actually here.
Driving you to the airport, and picking you up after you missed your flight. All the conversation in the car was precious to me.
Seeing you at the airport for the very first time since that dreadful day a year ago.
Your smile. It lights up not only the entire room but my heart.
Your dimples.
Making you smile.
Making you moan.
I love you.
I miss you Mickey
xoxox

Friday, August 6, 2010

Heaven, Part 2 of the first part

Ok I just realized that my last post skipped from one scene in my bed to vodka by the pool! Sorry--I was distracted by Mickey sitting next to me. My heart beats faster just being near him and my breathing is short and quick. I'm so attracted to him I just want to fuck him nonstop. I never get enough! I am soooo sore from all the sex we had in that first day he arrived.

I really must put it all in order eventually; but I want to skip to the juicy parts.

Going back to where we were laying in bed and I was watching him sleep.....unable to fully grasp the enormity of his existence in my bed. The three of us had had some wild sex the night before (I promise I'll get to that later!) and we all fell asleep in our kingsize bed. OOO la la it was delicious being sandwiched in between my sexy men. I truly felt adored, like a queen. It was marvelous.

Skipping to the next morning, after my dear hubby had left, I laid there watching Mickey sleep, unable to fall back asleep myself. He was sooooo beautiful. Long, punkish-styled black hair. TWO lip rings that just made me fucking horny looking at them, and kissing them was even hotter. His pale blue eyes closed and peaceful; his breathing slow and steady. His back was to me, and I realized how small his shoulders were; how slim he was; how tiny his waist was. How big his dick was for such a small guy. Mmmmm I was practically licking my lips fantasizing about what I wanted to do with him--like Sylvester when he sees Tweety Bird!!! (ha ha) I felt a rush of blood surge into my vagina and I was ready to fuck him.

I began to caress him, the outline of his body, his soft skin. He rustled a little and I persisted. I didn't care if I woke him--wouldn't he love to be awakened wtih a blow job? Hubby said he would, so try it. So I did!!!

I slowly peeled back the cover and top sheet, and there revealed his huge manliness. I began to stroke it and wanted him to fuck me so badly. He flipped over on his back and I climbed on top of him, straddling him.

Will finish later...kids up.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Heaven

I woke up this morning sandwiched in between my husband and Mickey. What a fucking awesome way to wake up! My hubby had to catch a plane, poor guy, and was up at the crack of dawn while Mickey and me stayed in bed. I couldn't fall back asleep though, I was soooo horny laying next to him. I just watched him sleep, amazed he was in my bed. How many nights I laid there in the dark missing him. Fantasizing about seeing him again, fucking him again, and here he is, next to me. I actually took a picture of him sleeping, I knew I wanted to remember this moment long after he left. I tossed and turned for almost an hour and could stand it no longer. I knew my kids would be coming home soon and I had to have him again.




OMG as I sit here right now, Mickey is right next to me. He's got his laptop computer on as I do. I couldn't wait to get on here and tell you about last night. I'm going to skip the boring stuff and get right to the juicy stuff.


We were having vodka by the pool, and Mickey went in to refresh his drink. As he got up, he turned around and said, "Better be naked when I get back". So, that's what we did....hubby and I ripped off our clothes but Mickey beat us to it! He was stark naked by my pool and jumped in. I was tipsy and happy. We splashed each other and it wasn't long till I was in between my sexy beautiful men and they were ravishing me. I had a dick in my mouth, and one of them was kissing my neck and breasts. It was wonderful. The water was so warm, and the air too, the stars in the sky twinkling down on the three of us, the alcohol loosening us all up and enjoying each other's bodies.


I'll finish the rest later. Mickey's getting curious what I'm writing about.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Mickey will be here in 4 hours!!

OMG Mickey is going to be here in 4 hours! I'm cleaning the guest room top to bottom for him.  He called me last night with a few questions, like how does he check in for his flight, etc. so I'm sure hoping he doesn't back out at the last minute because after all, this IS Mickey we're talking about. The king of kings of flakes. Once again, I'm back where I was a year ago, not letting myself get too excited for fear he won't show up. It's sooooo possible. I'd say a 50-50 chance. Although, this week he's texted and called me nearly every day, it's been SO wonderful. He did say he wouldn't "be mean like I was before, I know I hurt you, I was young and stupid and made a lot of mistakes." So, I think that's all I'm gonna get about why he left me naked in that hotel room a year ago. I do feel like it's closure in that it wasn't that I wasn't pretty enough, sexy enough, or said the wrong thing or did the wrong thing, wore the wrong thing or wasn't witty enough. It was HIM. Whatever made him flee really had nothing to do with me; or at least something about me triggered something in his past or whatever, but it wasn't ME per se.  Hell, I've decided that I WAS pretty enough, sexy enough, etc., and he felt too much for me and realized, shit, she's married! I'm outta here. He has said to me this week that he doesn't get my hubby and me, and doesn't know why I care for him. I said I didn't know either.


It led me to the discovery that my hubby and me aren't really swingers--we're polyamorous. I had heard the term before but didn't really know what it meant. I read a blog by a girl who had a heartbreaking story so similar to mine about Mickey, and that's when I realized what we really are. My hubby and me can love more than each other, without lessening our commitment to one another. Now it all makes total sense to me, and I feel so much better about myself.


Next post will be a doozer! I will tell you everything we do together. We've shared our fantasies this week and we are going to try some things we've never done before. I lost 4 pounds on my cleanse! I'm eating right now so I will have food in my stomach cuz the alcohol will be flowing to loosen me up. Mickey's big challenge is making me orgasm----despite the 23 lovers I've had, only my husband has made me come. So, he's got a quest....I can't WAIT!!!!