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Monday, June 25, 2012

WE HAD SEX! WE HAD SEX! WE HAD SEX! WE MADE OUR DOG BARK AND WHIMPER!!!

I woke up yesterday, both of us backwards on my bed, sore and hungover. I looked over and saw my naked hubby, backwards as well, his sexy body still and partially covered by the sheets. Last night really did happen! That's when I saw the enormous hickey on his neck--damn, it was the best hickey I'd given since high school!! I giggled. I grabbed my pillow and swung it around so I was facing the right way. I was disoriented and a little nauseous. I fell back asleep happy.

He had set up a date for us and made all the arrangements. Even childcare for our kids so they'd be gone for the night! I knew he had sex on the brain, and he must've known I was thinking the same thing.

I was a little apprehensive. Was this what I really wanted? Am I ready for this? If I have sex with him, what does this mean? Does this mean he thinks I've forgiven him? Does this mean he moves back into our bedroom? I felt like I needed to know the answers to all of this before I slept with him again. After not having had a shred of intimacy for the last nine weeks, to just jump into bed without thinking about the consequences seemed really immature and dangerous.

I didn't have time.

I worked the morning shift at the bar, ran to the mall to try to find something cute and new to wear, ran home, barely had time to do my nails and shower. I texted my girlfriend my concerns and she said, "just go with it. Relax and enjoy." So I decided to do just that. I didn't find a dress at the mall but instead chose a $300 Guess dress I bought years ago that still had the tags on it. I had never had an opportunity to wear it; tonight was the night. I did buy a new pair of 5 inch stillettos that looked very sexy. He loved them.

It was a little awkward. I did hold his hand, and his huge smile was just the reassurance I needed. I knew that every little thing I did was huge in his mind and heart, so I didn't need to worry. We valet parked at a 5 star hotel here, had dinner at the swanky place inside, and then the concert venue was close by so we walked there. He got tickets to one of our favorite bands (how sweet eh?), Keane. They have this amazing hypnotic music that's romantic and sexy, and we play it over and over while we take our baths. He knew this band would trigger happy memories for me, and a way to make new ones. I let him give me a deep sexy kiss in the elevator, his body pressed up against mine. He grinded his hard cock against my pelvis as he kissed me; it felt amazing. I knew then I wanted him as well.

The concert was amazing. We both cried during a few special songs to both of us. It was magical. After the concert, we walked back to the hotel where they had a chocolate bar! That was so decadent! A glass of pinot noir and some chocolate covered strawberries and marshmallows, and we were in heaven. We talked about getting a room, but decided it would be more enjoyable to be at home. After all, he had replaced our marital bed with a brand-new $4000 bed he had never slept in. I was eager to share it with him.

We held hands on the way home, and made goo-goo eyes at each other. When we walked into the house, he didn't assume we would have sex. He assumed he'd go back to the guest room where he's lived the last 2 months, and I'd go into "my" bedroom. We walked upstairs, and had that awkward moment at the top of the staircase landing where it's been like that for two months. But this time would be the last time; the last awkward moment at the top of the stairs. I took his hand and smiled, and guided him to our bedroom.

I let him put his hands on my legs, and they made their way up to my panties, up under my dress. He felt me all the way up, and caressed the breasts he'd fantasized about touching again; my slim waist he thought he'd never feel again. He then grabbed the dress and pulled it over my head as fast as he could. Just like in the movies. It was very hot! I love it when he takes charge, and I let him. By this point, his shirt was off, and I was admiring his skinny body and new tattoos. I loved that he got them just for me; his whores never got to see this sexy guy. They got the broken, pathetic guy he used to be. The tattoos signify the man he's becoming for me. How could I not be turned on??

Like my BFF said, I relaxed and enjoyed. It was amazing. I slapped him in the face several times, and he let me. He knew he deserved it. We were animals; we hurt each other and healed each other as we made love. It was nine weeks since we'd touched, after 22 years of being together and having the most incredible sex life of anyone we know. He hurt me deeply, he strayed. I have not forgiven him really, but I am understanding how broken he was. I am willing to give him another chance with my heart, because he's earning it back every day.

We even made our dog bark and whimper. He was locked in our daughter's empty room, and heard our lovemaking. It was primal and animal, and he was desperate to either save one of us or attack us. Thank God he was locked in there! We couldn't help but laugh at his cries. When we were done, we let him out and reassured him everything was ok. He laid down on the landing, assured all was well. We giggled. We fell asleep happier than we had in 5 months, and slept better as well.
                                                           
My hubby also woke up backwards, and his stirrings woke me. My head was by his feet, and I was admiring his sexy tush. He really has a great ass. He stared at me, smiling, and grabbed his pillow and swung it around next to mine. I couldn't believe the last 12 hours. Neither could he. He just took my face in his hands and said his dreams came true, that I would come back to him. We cried and then he ravished me again, climbing on top of me and devouring my neck and nipples as he rammed his big dick into me again and again. Nine weeks of desire built up. And last night was only the appetizer.

After we both came, we laid there in each other's arms, vulnerable and spent. He was just overcome with joy that I'm giving him another chance. He said he will never stop regretting the pain he caused me, and will spend the rest of his life trying to make it up to me. Why wouldn't I give this man another chance?? I know he truly means it.

He acknowledges we still have a long road ahead of us. It won't always be easy. There are triggers for me everywhere; we are seriously looking to sell this house and start over. Maybe even move back to California. He is willing to do whatever it takes to make me happy. He is a changed man. The thing is, he is becoming who I thought he already was. He has a lot of shit to work through, but he's on his way.

He brought me coffee in bed, we read the Sunday paper like old times together. It felt soooo good. He asked me, "What do you want to do today?" and I only had one thing in mind.

"Get your things out of the guest room. Put everything back in our room." His eyes welled with tears, and we hugged tightly. The past is going to stay in the past, and it's time to build a better present, because now I believe we have a future together.

It was the best weekend we'd had in nine weeks. And today is Monday, and I'm sitting here writing all this down, not wanting to forget any of it.

I am happy.




Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Still no sex--going on 9 weeks now

Well hello everyone, sorry I've been AWOL for some time now. Things have been really shitty with me and my hubby, but I think I've turned a corner this week. Thank you to those of you who've written and asked about how I'm doing, how we are doing. I do have another blog I've been devoting my time to, and I need to keep that just for me. It's how I process what I'm going through and for now this really isn't that platform for that. I don't want the focus of this blog to be that kind of pain LOL

It's been a little over 5 months since I found out my hubby had cheated on me with one woman, and after leading me on for three months that "that's all, I've told you everything" he finally came clean with affairs with two other women. It's been hell. I don't want to go into any more detail here, but suffice it to say, when he did, I wanted badly to kick him out but I just couldn't. I don't know why. But I did kick him out of our bedroom, all his clothes and everything and he's still living in our guest room down the hall. No sex, no intimacy of any kind. I have hugged him twice and gave him a peck on the cheek at bedtime a few nights ago.

But I do miss him. He is a sexy motherfucker. He is looking better and better to me every day.

I am just about ready to take him back.

It's been a long road to get here. Marriage counseling, both of us in individual counseling, and thousands of hours talking, yelling, screaming, and more talking.

We plan to resume our open marriage when he has practiced not lying longer than he's practiced lying. I am going to delete the posts that included threesomes with two of these whores as I found out he had had one-night stands with them prior to including me in threesomes with them. Not good. I don't want to re-live those experiences on paper, it's bad enough they are in my head. They don't turn me on anymore, they turn my stomach.

Thank you for your concern and patience. Hope if you're reading this you are actively honest in your life in every way, and holding yourself accountable for all your actions.

AND USE CONDOMS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love,
Anna XO