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Monday, December 22, 2014

Risky sex

This was definitely the sexiest weekend of my life. It started Friday with a new lover that rocked my world. I'm falling hard for him already, and I am in that scary place where I haven't heard from him since Saturday and wondering if he feels the same way.

He found me on OK Cupid. He sent me this message, "You are beyond beautiful. I would fuck the shit out of you!" with a heart/smiley emoticon. I looked at his profile: 19 years old, a firefighter, and so godddamn good looking. I got wet just looking at his abs. And those brown eyes. Mmm. Something about him just smoldered right through my phone. He'd written four days prior, and I was just now seeing it. I wrote him back, "Mmmm you are just what I'm looking for. Text me...(my name and number)." He literally texted me instantly, and shockingly, his name came up in my phone! I hadn't recognized him from his profile but the name was instantaneous.

He is one of my son's friends from high school.

They double-dated for the prom two years ago. Took pics in front of my house. With him and his GF, my son and his GF, and his parents.

YEAH.

So of course I freaked out. I was terrified he'd tell my son. We texted all afternoon; he said he could trust me, that he'd never "kiss and tell", and that he hasn't seen or talked to my son since they graduated. That he's 19 now and a firefighter, lives on his own, etc. I told him that I didn't want to hurt his feelings but I didn't remember him. He said, "TBH I thought I did recognize you, I always thought you were beautiful." OMG. The compliments kept coming.

I didn't honestly remember him. I was more impressed with the Ferarri LOL. And he was just 17 then and my kid was in a tux! I wasn't looking at his buddy! I have NEVER looked at any of my son's friends in a sexual way. To me, my son will always feel like he's still 10 and so his friends are just kids to me. So this was very weird and uncomfortable, until we kept talking. It was obvious he was all grown up now and since I hadn't remembered him (other than his unique name and that he was here...and yes, I have pics....) it was like meeting a stranger. 

He tore my defenses down.

I started texting my hubby how badly I wanted him. He said, "If you can trust him, you can have him." I was soooo happy! F reassured me he could be trusted.

We wanted each other so badly.

I had to work later in the day, but I was free. He said he got off work at noon and could be here by 1.

I said, 'Perfect!"

I didn't need to give him my address.

I took a sexy selfie of myself when I was all ready and sent it to him. He loved it. He kept saying all the right things. I was beyond excited.

When he showed up, it was just magical. He had a big grin and looked even hotter in person. He came in and my dog greeted him with his nose in his business and politely petted him, and instantly just met my gaze and kissed me. He's got the fullest lips I've ever seen and he was a GREAT kisser. OMG. So much desire for this man. We just stood there kissing, eating each other up hungrily.

We finally broke apart and I led him into the kitchen where I had a bottle of peppermint schnapps and two glasses out for us. I had told him I needed it for my nerves cuz I was so nervous and excited to see him. I had had a vanilla vodka shot ten minutes before he'd shown up, and it didn't even have any effect. We chatted as we poured it and sipped, but he kept getting closer and kissing me. I couldn't get enough of him. My stupid dog wanted to go out so I let him out and we kept making out in the kitchen waiting for the dog to come back. It was fun. He undid his belt and put my hand on his dick right there in the kitchen and it was rock hard. It was so exciting. This is always my favorite part--foreplay.

We kept at it until I could wait no longer. Being that it was freezing out, I had to get that fucking dog back in before we went upstairs! I went to the front door and yelled for him. Thankfully he came running in! I took F by the hand and led up him upstairs.

He undressed and I helped him :)) yummy there's nothing so exciting as undressing a new hottie!!! And he had a HUGE hard dick. What is it about these short guys with huge dicks??? My good fortune for sure!!! And he WAS passionate. I felt like he was in love with me. THAT kind of passion. He had this intense eye contact like he possessed me. I was jumping out of my skin. I told him I had never felt like this before, and it wasn't a lie. I thought Jordan was amazing, and he was, but I realized later that Jordan made incredible eye contact only a few times, and F made eye contact constantly. It seriously was the sexiest feeling, and I told him so. I said, "no one has ever looked at me the way you look at me." And that made him look even more intently at me. If I wasn't absolutely mad about him it would be creepy hahaha

With every touch, he possessed me. I can't explain it. We were so hungry for each other. We devoured each other. I didn't feel that with Jordan. Jordan had fun with me but now, comparing the two, F made me feel like he NEEDED me. Like he couldn't live without me. He had a comfortableness with his own body, he made me feel so safe and loved. 

And he actually told me he loved me.

No one has ever accidentally told me they loved me before. I said it to Jordan while I was fucking him, and I knew he'd think, "eh, I'm just hot in bed." But the truth was I was falling for him. And here I am again, falling for someone again. And HARD. And HE told ME he loved ME, NOT the other way around. Did he mean it??

We did it in every position we could think of. And I had stopped and bought condoms cuz sadly, I knew I had to be careful, cuz not only could I catch something from him, he could possibly catch something from me. I don't know if my chlamydia is gone or not. Thank GOD I have an appt today in an hour!!!

Anyways, yeah, I told him mid-fuck I had gotten it. That I took meds and it was probably gone. My hubby freaked out when I told him this! He said, "WHAT??? YOU TOLD HIM???' He said gently then, 'You have such strong morals. You knew he needed to know. That wasn't the time to tell him!" So of course now I'm freaking out. I could barely sleep last night. So I made an appt first thing this morning. I hope to God I'm clean so I can tell him.

Okay, so back to Friday!

He was so full of passion. And he LOVES to give oral!! yay!!! Lucky me!!! He was GOOOOOOD. Mmmmmm. But of course I can never relax with someone new; I don't know why but I'm so self-conscious. He was amazing. Best lover I've ever had (aside from hubby).  There was so much passion. 

He wanted to come in me but not with a condom on. He wanted to come on me instead, and that's so hot I said sure! He was on top of me at this point and pulled out and tore off the condom and squirted his cum all over my breasts. It was fucking hot. Mmmm. Afterwards he laid down next to me, put his arm around me and pulled me close. He was so intimate. He told me how he lived in the basement of a house with a few roommates and I said how I'd love to come over. He loved the idea. He shared so much about himself...intimate things. About what happened with his GF who he was with for 3 years. How she cheated on him. He told me how he is going to be learning his dad's business cuz he's having a hard time now being a firefighter and seeing people in agony. He was just so real. We clicked like I've never clicked with anyone. With Jordan I was shaking the whole time. With F I was relaxed and I felt loved and safe. When he fucked me he'd hold me tight and one time I told him, "I can't get close enough to you."

I had set my phone alarm for 2 since I had to go pick up my daughter from school, and the alarm went off. We were talking at the moment and we hated the interruption. As we got dressed, he said how beautiful I looked (again!!!) OH and I forgot to tell you he said I was such a hot MILF and that I was his first MILF!!! I told him, "Yay!! I'm so honored!!!" We had such great chemistry. I stopped feeling nervous the minute he touched me. 

He loves cars, and told me his dad sold the red Ferrari and bought a Lambo. Damn they're rich! I told him what car I drove and he said OMG I love those and we walked out into the garage so I could show him my car. He opened the door, got in and sat down, and saw it was a 5-speed. He shifted the gears and high-fived me it was a manual. When he got out, he said, "have you ever fucked in your car?" and I laughed and said I hadn't. He said he'd love to fuck me in it or on it. "How about both?" he said with a huge mischievous grin! Mmmm. We kissed more, our bodies pressed together so hard. I said, "OMG I'm so ready to go again!" He said "me too!" but I had to go. I opened the garage door to let him out and we kissed until it opened, and then kissed again. We broke apart and he walked out, looking back at me the whole time. We both got in our cars at the same time, and I basically followed him down the street. He did this cute side-to-side movement with his car (I was right behind him) and I flashed my lights back. 

I spent the rest of the day on cloud nine.

Did I mention how much I loved fucking his body??? OMG those abs in his profile pic were in my bed! He even let me take a pic of him laying there naked on my bed. OMG I masturbated to that pic last night, my desire for him is so strong. I can't stand it. I haven't been able to stop thinking about him and I want him SO badly. I sent him a selfie Saturday on my way to work and he wrote back I looked beautiful and hoped I had a "fabulous' day. I said, "I will now because you made my day."

That was Saturday around 11 am. Haven't heard from him since. So now I'm in that place I hate...desperate for him and wondering if he feels the same way.

I'm going fucking out of my mind. I'm hoping that my doctor gives me the clear sign so I can tell him and reassure him. Stupid me.

Every minute that goes by he doesn't text me is sheer agony. He had said he was off work today and I was planning on going to his house. It's just after 9 am and I can't stand it. I'm so glad I'm going to the doctor.

He had said he could "do without a phone", so I'm trying not to make too much out of it. Hubby says to "calm down". 

BTW I forgot to say that we both said we didn't like ONS, and that we both wanted someone "regular" not multiple partners. It truly seemed we both wanted the same thing. It seemed we were meant for each other right from the start. The other thing is, I told him that if we did indeed become "regulars" I would delete my OK Cupid profile. He liked that.

And guess what???!! He's already deleted HIS. So I have NO idea what to make of this.

I will write him if I have good news from my doctor. And if I don't, and if I don't hear from him soon, I will write him anyways, cuz I honestly can't stand it. I can't stand the silence, I can't stand not hearing from him. If he's done with me already this will hurt BAD.

And my son is home from college, and I'm scared. I have so much to lose.